Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~ Jim Murray

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.  ~ Author Unknown

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. ~ John Updike

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. ~ Robin Williams

One minute you're bleeding.  The next minute you're hemorrhaging.  The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa. ~ Mac O'Grady

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens. ~ Pete Alfano

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~ Lee Trevino